if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize