Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
