I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
