I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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