People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize