dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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