I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize