You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
