I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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