can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
