I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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