Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
be right there i have to get my cape
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
