I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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