he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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