are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
