Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
