I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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