my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
