It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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