i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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