The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
