I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
