I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want to fling myself into the sun
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
