my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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