he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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