You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
