You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
