someone threw a dead crab at me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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