So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
