Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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