You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
