I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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