they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
