i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
