Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
