i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
