i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
