The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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