Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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