Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
They have beer where we have blood.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
