Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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