sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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