K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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