I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
