"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
