the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
