Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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