The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
