you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
