I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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