K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
