I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
