Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
