So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
