she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
