those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
