Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Boobs speak an international language.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
