I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
