I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
