So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
