youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
