i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
