A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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