Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
