If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
