And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
