I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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