I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
