Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
