She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
