The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
