i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
