Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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