How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
